Before I had my son I used to have a perfectly warmed bath every night before bed. Now I run around like a crazy person chasing my giant toddler around the house, sweating my ass off, trying to coax him into pyjamas that always seem to be too small. I should really size up, but I love that big old belly hanging out like he's had way too many beers. Once I finally get his ninja ass into bed and he stays there, I think to myself "HELL YES, I am having a bath tonight, and maybe even some wine".
After looking for said wine I realize I don't even drink wine so why would I have any. I don't have time to drink wine, so when I do seldomly put on my old party shoes, I drink vodka and get straight to the point. Ain't nobody messing around over here, I'm either sober, or getting crunk as a mother f)(#$* skunk with my mom friends a few times a year (ok, ok, maybe monthly).
Anyways I find an old ass bottle of wine my Grandma left at my house a few months ago and figure it should be fine, it has a cork in it after all. After all of this I suddenly realize that, once again, I forgot I had already started running the bath. I run upstairs with my glass of expired wine only to find my bath is almost overflowed. The only thing worse, and I mean the ONLY THING worse than a lukewarm bath, is when your toddler takes a shit on the floor. I close both my eyes and stick my hand in to test it, praying it's not another ruined bath. TO my dismay it is even colder than the last one I ran for myself last season.
Considering there are starving children in Africa and a water draught in California, I have to get in this bath. I can't try to save it with more water because I have too much guilt. I get in the bath, close my eyes, and pretend I am indulging in the hottest tub ever made. I am shivering in less than two minutes, BUT, I remember I have my wine to enjoy. I take a drink, and holy shit that is some rank tasting liquid. Again, Africa and California, I have to drink it. By the end of my bath I am pretty much delusional from self-poisoning and ridden with goosebumps. I think to myself, next time bath, next time..... I WILL defeat you.