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Lukewarm baths and old wine

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Before I had my son I used to have a perfectly warmed bath every night before bed.    Now I run around like a crazy person chasing my giant toddler around the house, sweating my ass off, trying to coax him into pyjamas that always seem to be too small.  I should really size up, but I love that big old belly hanging out like he's had way too many beers.  Once I finally get his ninja ass into bed and he stays there, I think to myself "HELL YES, I am having a bath tonight, and maybe even some wine".  

After looking for said wine I realize I don't even drink wine so why would I have any.  I don't have time to drink wine, so when I do seldomly put on my old party shoes, I drink vodka and get straight to the point.  Ain't nobody messing around over here, I'm either sober, or getting crunk as a mother f)(#$* skunk with my mom friends a few times a year (ok, ok, maybe monthly).  

Anyways I find an old ass bottle of wine my Grandma left at my house a few months ago and figure it should be fine, it has a cork in it after all.  After all of this I suddenly realize that, once again, I forgot I had already started running the bath.  I run upstairs with my glass of expired wine only to find my bath is almost overflowed.  The only thing worse, and I mean the ONLY THING worse than a lukewarm bath, is when your toddler takes a shit on the floor.  I close both my eyes and stick my hand in to test it, praying it's not another ruined bath.  TO my dismay it is even colder than the last one I ran for myself last season.

 Considering there are starving children in Africa and a water draught in California, I have to get in this bath.  I can't try to save it with more water because I have too much guilt.  I get in the bath, close my eyes, and pretend I am indulging in the hottest tub ever made.  I am shivering in less than two minutes, BUT, I remember I have my wine to enjoy.  I take a drink, and holy shit that is some rank tasting liquid.  Again, Africa and California, I have to drink it.  By the end of my bath I am pretty much delusional from self-poisoning and ridden with goosebumps.  I think to myself, next time bath, next time..... I WILL defeat you.

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  • I salute you my friend. You are an inspiration to us all. Next time just use hot water and not cold water, maybe it’ll be just the right temp by the time you get in. 😬 #momhacks

    Teen Mom Carol on

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